WAIT! Don't leave, I know this sounds crazy, but it's true I tells ya.

A good few years ago ITN's News at Ten, (Moos at Ten?) reported the story of a bald dairy farmer whose hair had miraculously began to return.

 The farmer put it down to the fact that his dairy cattle (Holstein Fresians) found the taste of his sweaty bald pate irresistible, and would lick it at every given opportunity.

As the result of a childhood accident with a swing, my wife had a bald patch (about the size of a silver dollar) on the left side of her head. Shortly after we had married I remembered the farmers tale, and so I began to lick her bald patch, (we were young, we were in love!) Sure enough after a time, well a few times, little downy white hairs began appear on the bald patch. Slowly but surely the bald patch disappeared, just like the farmers 'Hair-bull' remedy.

What are you driving at Daviz? I hear you ask. What I am driving at - is, Sixteen years on, my parting is growing considerably wider, and can I get her to give it a lick now and then? Can I hell! So I have been thinking of a couple of cheaper alternatives: